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| Guilt. It's that feeling you get when you do something you shouldn't have - purposely or on accident. Without realizing it, or doing it intentionally, everyone feels guilty now and then. Some people feel it stronger than others. The thing they said or whatever they did haunts them, making a permanent residence in their minds and becoming more prominent when they have nothing to do. When they're not occupied with a book or a game or a movie or a song. Then there are the ones who don't feel as guilty, but there's not denying the feeling is there. They deny it, both to themselves and to those around them. This is what makes them capable of committing the same crime, over and over and over again. This is what gives birth to serial killers. Burglars. Robbers and murderers.
Though it doesn't always have to be such a bad thing that makes you feel guilty. Sometimes it's something that you shouldn't really feel all too bad about. You tell your parents you don't want to go to college, for example. It's a good springboard for your future, sure. But it's not what you want, and you don't see it in your life. It has no impact on the plans you've made for yourself, and going to college would just slow your career plans down. So why do you feel so bad about it, when they yell at you and tell you it's a horrible mistake? They scream and shout and you cry because you feel so wrong about your decision, even though deep down, you know it's the right thing for you. But even later, when they've stopped talking to you about it. Left it for a later discussion. Even then, you still feel the guilt. Pressing on you, making it hard to breathe. It almost feels like a heart attack.
Why is that? You feel so guilty about the decisions you make, even though you know for sure that they're the right ones. For you, at least. Is it because you're unsure - the future is subjective, and whatever plans you had for yourself may not be fulfilled as easily as you'd hoped? Or perhaps because you don't enjoy displeasing your parents, and their utter grief at the decision they believe to be so wrong makes you feel worse and worse about even telling them by the second? | | |
| Life cannot be compared to a box of chocolates.
A box of chocolates tells us what we're going to get. You flip over the box and it's a treat. Cherries inside and drizzled decorations. Hazelnut and chocolate creme-filled. It's all so charming, but most of the time, 'sweet' is the last word that comes to mind when we try to describe it. Think of the last time your life was 'sweet'. Think of the last time you were sugar coated, jelly filled.
But then, there are always those who have it worse, aren't there? We're stuck with our empty box, but we can put nice things in there. We can keep our happy memories and joyous times in the box and bring it with us on our journey down the road. And when the road finally falls off the other end of the earth, someone can find it there and they can be reminded that we did have good time. And sometimes our life was sweet.
Some people - they never get the box. They get ripped off for whatever reason. Their location, their religion. Something takes that box away from them, and then they have nothing to keep the happiness in. They can't trap that happiness, and eventually they just quiet trying.
I have a theory, and that theory is: if we gave some time and compassion to these people, they'd be able to make their own boxes. Or we could share ours with them. We could have the same memories, therefore giving us the same happiness. Wouldn't that just be unity in full? | | |
| Let me explain something. Something about myself.
I am not old, but I am not young. I'm not an adult, but I'm not a child. I make mistakes, and I often do childish things. But that does not make me immature. It simply means that I'm someone who can recognize when it's okay and when it's not okay to be silly. And if you say, "Ha. I'm so mature, I never make mistakes. I never make a dirty joke or two. I've never said 'that's what she said' and I have never laughed at something unfunny!" Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to others. Even saying that is a mistake all in its own.
Where is the pay-off for living the way you want to live? You save the world and you get the girl. But what does the girl give you? Nothing. What does the world give you? The girl. This is not what you wanted. The problem is, nobody takes enough interest in what's going on around them. Economical downfall, greatest national deficit since the Great Depression? No problem, man, my parents will send me money. What happens when your parents run out of money? Take action.
Think for once. | | |
| We all have our fears. Whether they are significant or not - with or without a back story. One fears spiders because they have long, creepy legs and eight eyes. Another because a close relative died of a poisonous spider bite. Or the fear of the dark because it's creepy, or maybe someone assaulted you on the darkest night of the year? We all have our fears, and anyone who says they fear nothing only fears admittance and vulnerability.
The problem with fears is, no matter what the phobia may be, it is extremely difficult to conquer. Possible, yes, but very tough. An example that many young people can relate to is P.E. No, not the fear of being physically fit because most people want to be thin or ripped, or at least not overweight. What I mean is the fear of balls (haha, I said balls, laugh it up), something I have and currently suffer from. You play volleyball and the ball is flying in your direction and you want to hit it, because you know your teammates will be disappointed - if not mad - if you don't. But you can't bring yourself to. You block your face and run out of the way, and you end up getting yelled at by the person next to you (who, in retrospect, could have gotten it themselves) and your grade gets dropped in P.E.
The thing is, having someone shout "get the ball!" isn't going to help you get it. And being berated for something you probably have no real control over is going to help even less. What's worse is when someone who experiences that same fear - be it of getting hit in the face with a volleyball or not - is the one yelling at you because of your inability to overcome it.
We are not controlled by the words or the will of others, unless we allow ourselves to be. And wouldn't it just be fabulous if you could actually bring yourself to hit that ball when someone shouted at you? But no, you have to find a way to make yourself do it. You physical body can do it - arms out, bottom hand's fingers wrapped partly around the wrist of the other, partly around the hand, bump it. Yet your mind tells you that you'll miss and people will still be mad, that you won't get it over the net, or maybe even that you'll hit someone on the other side and severely injure them.
People say "it's not going to kill you". Maybe you don't fear for your own life.
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| Take a good, long look in the mirror. What do you see? Personally, I see everything I have been. Everything I have ever wanted to be. Everything I am, and everything I may possibly be in the future. The way I move intrigues me. Is this genetic? The way my hair falls over my shoulder when I shift it?
I wonder, am I the only person who feels euphoric when I see my laugh lines? They remind me of every time I have smiled and, well, laughed. Who wouldn't want that friendly reminder? There's nothing unsightly about them. One sees an aging woman on the street, notices the creases around her lips. Thinks she should try Botox, maybe Olay. I look at said woman and I feel proud.
Even in today's ever changing world, in our current economical situation, with one group of people being told they are second class citizens - I feel proud that there are still people out there who can find happiness. Find enough so that it shows on their face. Happiness is not hard to find. People just look for specific kinds of happiness, and if they don't have that, then they feel as if they can't be happy.
I have a suggestion for anyone who may read this - presently or in the future. Smile about anything that isn't death. Smile when you run out of make-up in the morning - you get to show your true face for one day. Smile when you can't have your favorite cereal for breakfast - you've got some variety now. Smile when your boyfriend breaks up with you - new doors are opening; only one has closed. Even that one may still have a small crack to let the light in.
It's not hard, I promise you. You don't have to look for the sunshine. It's there. In a moment, you'll feel it warming your skin.
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